Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
