I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize