How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize