I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
