Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
