I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
