I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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