it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
