and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
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I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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