We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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