haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize