Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
