I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
