Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
How's work?
Spinning.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
