bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
