Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you had me at cake vodka
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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