haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
