As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
