just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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