there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
