I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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