Define "chronic" masturbator.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
