Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
