I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
