He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The uberlube is also flammable
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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