Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
