I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
