connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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