yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
