We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
