i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
