I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
