I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
And then he peed in my hair
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