I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
