I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
