I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
