drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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