apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
