i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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