did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
