I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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