Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize