Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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