Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
