there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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