Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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