My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Randomize
