There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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