im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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