I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
