God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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