what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
