and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Walk of Shame today included voting.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
