Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf

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(614): View more from Ohio

i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b

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(573): View more from Missouri

I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.

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(512): View more from Texas

I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.

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