They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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