I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
