i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
