I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
